The Akatsuki kids!
by FMAGreedsgirl
Summary: When the hot guys of the Akatsuki died they somehow came to our world and in the form of... kids! Will they ever get back to their original forms? Will one girl believe their ninjas? I regret to say this story will officially go on HIATUS for awhile.
1. Chapter 1

The Akatsuki… kids?!

Chapter 1:

What the fuck?!

Once a few episodes ago, a very evil thins happened to the members of Akatsuki, they died. Only Pain, Tobi, and Konan lived. And what else happened? All the hot guys are dead!

But whatever happened to them when they died? Were they reunited? Are they in hell? This is their tale… (Jashin that sentence sounded lame.)

A silver-haired boy grumbled. He put a hand on his hand.

"Aaah, who the fuck turned on the damn sun." The boy muttered.

"Hidan will you shut up." Another boy growled.

"What did you say Kakuzu?!" The silver-haired boy shouted.

"Hey be quiet un." A third boy mumbled.

"Oh yeah Dei-" The boy stopped and screamed.

A blue skinned boy sat up. "What's wrong?"

"YOU'RE ALL FUCKING KIDS!!!" The silver-haired boy shouted.

Six other boys stood up. One had long blonde that made him look like a girl. Another had red hair. A boy who was a little taller than everyone had light blue skin and dark blue hair and fang like teeth. Another boy was very good-looking with long black hair and red eyes. A boy also had long black hair and green eyes with red pupils. And the last boy had one side of his that was milky white and the other pure black, with green hair.

They all looked 7 years old and all of them wore over-sized black cloaks with red clouds on them.

"We're kids? You're the one who's a child Hidan." The red-haired boy pointed out.

Hidan looked down at his hands then touched his face looking freaked out.

The other strange children followed his reaction and checking their new little bodies.

"What the fuck happened to us?! We're 3-foot fucking midgets! Kakuzu doesn't have his damn stitches! Zetsu, Kisame, and Sasori actually looks fucking human too!"

"This is very strange." Zetsu's white side said.

"**Oh gee ya think?! We actually look normal!**" His black side argued.

"Well what happened before this?" Kisame questioned.

Everyone recollected their thoughts.

"I remember being killed by that pink-haired girl, my own puppets, and grandmother Chiyo." Sasori said.

" … I was killed by my little brother." Itachi said quietly.

"I blew myself up trying to kill your god damn brother un." Deidara sighed earning a glare from kid-Itachi.

"I was blown up in a Jashin forsaken ditch by that shit-head Nara guy." Hidan growled.

"I was killed by that nine-tailed fox brat and Kakashi Hatake." Kakuzu scowled feeling a little uncomfortable without stitches or his four hearts.

Kisame and Zetsu looked at each other and shook their heads. "We don't exactly remember how we died." Kisame said.

Hidan burst out laughing. "You fucking retards! How could you not remember your own fucking deaths!"

"Just shut up Hidan. If we're like this we might not have chakra and you might not be immortal anymore." Sasori said having Hidan shut up immediately.

"Why would you say that Danna?" Deidara asked.

"If we're like this who's to say we don't have our chakra networks anymore?" Sasori explained.

An uncomfortable silence filled the air.

"Hmph, it's not a problem. I still know about opening chakra networks we'll be fine."

"In any case we need to find out where we are, if we can return to our actual age and size, and return to the Akatuki." Itachi confirmed.

A/N: Oh, and I forgot to mention that hey were in a park… sorry. Anyways please review! I love reviews! And sorry that this chapter was a little short.

End/ Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Guys, I don't think we're in Japan anymore

~Story starts~

Back to our tale our seven strange boys have traveled around the park they were in.

"For the love of Jashin. Are we even getting anywhere." Hidan complained.

"Quit complaining Hidan you're giving me a headache you idiot." Kakuzu sneered.

"It's still fucking weird to see you without your damn stitches." Hidan said.

"If I wasn't a child I would tear your head off." Kakuzu glared at him.

"Hey I think I see a street." Kisame pointed ahead.

The boys ran through the forest and landed on a stone street. They expected to see a village with old-fashion style buildings.

Unfortunately they didn't expect to see this…

Insanely tall buildings that looked like it was fused by metal with many windows. Many people in strange clothes instead of kimonos were walking around. Lots of stores lined across from the park.

The children all stared in awe and confusion.

"What." Sasori said.

"The." Kisame said.

"Fuck." Hidan said.

"**Is**." Zetsu said in unison.

"This?" Kakuzu said.

"Un!" Deidara ended.

Itachi said nothing.

They kept in place still staring at all the foreign objects.

"All this technology is incredible!" Kakuzu blinked.

"This is definitely isn't like any village I've been to." Kisame said.

Deidara walked up to a two teenage girls.

"Excuse me. Where and what country is this?" He asked them.

The girls squealed at the Akatsuki boys.

"Oh aren't you kids so cute!" One girl with short blue hair giggled.

"I know, are you kids like related or something?" A girl with star barrettes asked them.

"Um you're not an-" Deidara tried to say.

"Hey those cloaks are cool! Are you guys like cosplayers or something?" The short haired girl asked.

"What's cosplay?" Zetsu's white side asked.

"Oh my god! You guys are like little models-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU JASHIN DAMN BIMBOS!!!" Hidan shouted at them.

The girls yelped and ran away.

"Well that was pointless." Itachi muttered.

"We'll just have to keep walking around." Sasori told them.

And the boys made their way through the strange village…

~5 hours later~

"I am so fucking hungry." Hidan growled.

"I know un." Deidara agreed his stomach making barking noises.

The other boys didn't say anything but their stomachs also growled.

"Well if I had my money here I sure as hell wouldn't lend you any." Kakuzu glared at them. "As long as it's under 100 ryo."

"Tch. Cheap ass." Hidan muttered.

After a few more hours of no food and no one helping them the boys collapsed in an alley next to a building. (Yes that sounds a little creepy but they're the Akatsuki they can handle strangers.)

All of their stomachs screeched, moaned, and barked. They all looked like they were gonna pass out any minute.

When they were about to a girl who looked 17 or 18 opened a door from the building in the alley.

~What happened a few minutes ago~

A girl with blue eyes and brown hair in a bob was cleaning tables at her job: the Cat Café (Idea is from Ranma ½). She wore a long Chinese dress with a lucky cat on it.

She just finished her last table when a fellow male worker called. "Takemori, 10:00! Closing time!"

The girl nodded. "Thank you Keigo."

A/N: Quick interruption really quick! The Akatsuki members woke up at about noon and they were walking around for awhile so that's the time now. Sorry just thought I'd point it out. Back to story!

The girl went into the locker rooms to get changed. Another girl was in there.

"Hoshi!" The girl smiled.

The girl looked around 20. She had long, spikey, black hair in a ponytail and striking blue eyes. She wore a black tank top that cut just above her belly button with black capris with high-heeled flats.

Hoshi smiled. "Nana." She tossed her some keys. "Could you close up I have a date with Yushin tonight."

Nana looked at her nervously. "You're still dating our boss?"

Hoshi scoffed. "I'm 20, he's 25 it's legal!"

"Ok well have fun." Nana gave a shy yet sweet smile.

Hoshi paused, she had a blank look on her face.

Nana tilted her head. "Uh, Hoshi?"

She blinked. "You're going to have an unexpected surprise later."

"Your sixth sense again?" Nana chuckled.

Hoshi shrugged. "Welp see you tomorrow."

"Ok!" She bowed.

Nana changed into a plain light blue thank top with navy blue jeans and W. C. brand sandals. And to top it off with a football-like jacket.

She went out the back entrance that led to the alley (Which unfortunately can only be locked from the outside).

What she didn't expect to see were seven kids that looked about 7 were sprawled out against the alley.

The girl stared at them blankly for a few seconds then shrieked!

"Oh my god! They're not moving! Are they dead?!" Nana flapped her arms.

Then the boys let out a moan.

She stopped and sighed with relief. "Thank goodness. They're alive."

She walked up to the nearest kid who had unnatural red hair.

"Un are you kids alright?" Nana knew it was a dumb question, but she had to ask anyway.

"May we… have some food?" The red-haired boy asked.

She nodded rapidly. "Of course! Come inside."

The kids staggered up to stand too tired to argue and trodded further into the restautrant.

Nana's POV

The boys all sat down in booths. I immediately brought them water first and quickly made some fried rice for them.

I placed over 10 plates of fried rice in front of them.

As soon as I did they wolfed it down! Even the boys who had table manners wolfed it down!

"You must've really been hungry?" I blinked.

"Oh man! This is fucking good!" The silver-haired boy grinned.

I jumped. "Y-You shouldn't say that word!"

He ignored me and kept on eating.

The boy with black hair and tan skin bopped his head.

"Hidan don't be a pig or you'll choke!" he scolded.

"The hell was that for Kakuzu?!" The boy, now known as Hidan, yelled.

The boy with long blonde hair smiled at me. "Thanks lady un."

I smiled. 'Aw these guys are so cute.'

"No problem I love to help." I said.

"Um miss?" The black-haired boy with red eyes looked at me.

"I'm sorry my name is Nana Takmori." I bowed.

He nodded. "Nana. Can you tell us what country is this?"

"This is Japan." I told them.

"We know." The blue-skinned boy said. "But where? Like the land of Fire or what?"

I blinked in confusion. "This is Tokyo and I've never heard of this Land of Fire."

Everyone seemed surprised at this. The boy Hidan choked on his rice.

"Ah!" I squeaked.

I ran up to Hidan and rubbed his back. When he finally swallowed it down he glared at me.

"Are you fucking brain-dead? What do you mean you haven't fuckin' heard of it?" He shouted.

"I-It's just a pl-place never like that doesn't exist." I stuttered.

The kids all froze in place with shocked/confused expressions. I flinched, 'Maybe I shouldn't have said that.'

They were still frozen in place.

"I don't know where you're all from and I'm sure it's not any of my business. But, um, you kids don't have anywhere to go do you?" I whispered.

They didn't answer me.

"Um if you don't you could live with me until you can go home." I offered. I felt so sad from their expressions.

They stared at and paused. After a few seconds they gathered in a huddle.

No one's POV

"What do you guys think?" Kakuzu asked the Akatsuki members.

"I'm in! I like this Nana girl she's pretty." Deidara blushed.

"Well it'd be nice to have somewhere to sleep." Sasori added.

"We do kind of owe her too for the food." Kisame agreed.

"Are you guys fuckin' insane?! What if she's one of those pedophiles?" Hidan whispered and scowled.

Zetsu's white side sighed. "You've got to be kidding?"

"**A girl like that is too fragile for that you idiot**." Zetsu's black side sneered.

"I don't have a problem with it. Itachi?" Kakuzu asked.

"… It's alright." Itachi decided. Hidan groaned at defeat.

"Then it's decided." Kisame confirmed.

They broke out of their huddle and turned to Nana who jumped slightly.

"We'll live with you Nana." They all said in unison.

A/N: If you're thinking that the Akatsuki could last longer with no food you're right. But they just came back from the dead with no chakra networks and they've been walking for over 10 hours so of course they're going to be hungry. Please review!

End/ Chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:  
Home sweet home and Sweeney Todd

A/N: Sorry for the delay I had a few roadblocks of writer's block and celebrating my friends birthdays! I've read your comments and I thank you all very much. So just to skip a further to do let's start the story!

Story starts: Nana's POV

I marched back to my house with seven little boys. I know that sounds a little suspicious, but I'm honest when I say that I am not a pedophile! We came up to my family's shrine/home.

"Are you telling us we have to walk all those fucking stairs?" Hidan complained.

I looked at what he was talking about. I guess the stairs to my house are a bit 'far', I guess I've been so used to walking them I didn't mind them.

I bowed apologizing. "I'm sorry."

Hidan smirked. "I'll forgive you if you kiss my ass."

Kakuzu bopped him on the head again. Hidan held his head cursing at Kakuzu.

I sighed. 'I guess I'll have to get used to this.'

So we all began walking up. Some of the calm ones didn't mind, Hidan was complaining to Kakuzu that this was just like that time at that 'darn' monk's temple while Kakuzu was ignoring him. I wonder what they meant by that?

After learning their names before we got here I noticed the red-haired boy, Sasori, seemed out of breath.

I stopped and waited for him while everyone else moved on ahead.

"Sasori, are you ok?" I asked him.

He looked at me and shook his head. "I'm fine."

It was obvious he was lying, his face beaded sweat. So despite his protests I held him piggy-back to the top.

"Hey! How come Sasori gets to be carried?! That's favorites no fair!!" Hidan yelled.

As soon as we came to the top I put Sasori down and went to unlock the door.

No one's POV

Sasori sat down as the others came up. A few smirked, and the others (Zetsu and Itachi) didn't care that much.

"W-What?" I glared at them.

"Since when are you so tired Sasori?" Kakuzu asked.

"That's because I was used to being a puppet I didn't feel exhaustion until now!"

"You certainly seemed to enjoy the ride though." Kisame smirked.

"Shut up fish-boy!" I growled.

"Aw who cares let's just get inside already, un." Deidara smiled a little too happily.

The boys paused at the strange happy bomber.

"You're… in a good mood Deidara." Zetsu's white side sweat-dropped.

"Yeah what the fuck is up with you?" Hidan frowned.

Deidara grinned. "There's no Tobi in this world!" He cried. "I was expecting one of his little out bursts, but I haven't heard a single 'Tobi is a good boy!' or 'Senpai, Senpai look what Tobi can do!' and Senpai, Tobi accidently sold your clay to a pawn shop!' or any of that crap!!"

'Perhaps this isn't a good time to tell him that Tobi was an Uchiha.' Itachi thought as Deidara skipped to Nana.

A/N: Ok I know the whole battle of who Tobi is Madara or Obito Uchiha. So I'm not entirely sure or correct on who he is I'm just going to label him as Uchiha.

~Back to story~ Nana's POV

After seeing the outside of my house and shrine. I gave them a tour of the inside.

"This is the kitchen." I pointed. It had a table for four so I'll have to make room some counters and cupboards, of course a stove and fridge. Basically it was normal.

We continued on.

"This is the living room/TV room." Showing a couch with a wide-screen TV, games and movies neatly tucked in shelves. "If you would like to watch a movie is ok by me. Some of them are Hoshi's though so be careful."

"Who is Hoshi?" Sasori asked.

I smiled. "Hoshi is my best friend since kindergarten." Then remembered. "Oh and if you want to play a game I a playstation 1 and 2."

The boys merely nodded.

We walked through the hallway and stopping at a few doors. I first motioned the door to the right.

"This is the bathroom." Then to the left. "And this was my parents room." I spoke softly.

"Was?" Itachi said.

"I… don't like to talk about it. I'm sorry."

We moved on upstairs.

There were only 2 more rooms left. "This one here is my room." My door had a little sign with a kitty on it that said 'Nana'.

"And the one next door is the guest room." I opened it to reveal a tatami room.

"Oh I need to get blankets!" I gasped.

They all filed in and sat (except for Hidan) patiently. I came back with extra blankets and pillows.

"Sorry that I took so long." I apologized.

"It's about damn time!" Hidan snorted.

Earning another punch from Kakuzu.

"Do you want us to get kicked out of the only shelter to live in for free?!" Kakuzu whispered.

"You know you really are a cheap-ass!" Hidan growled.

I shook my head. "It's alright. You guys can stay as long as you like it's fine by me."

After the beds were made the little guys went to sleep immediately. It was 11:15 so I decided to head for bed too.

~12:01~ Itachi's POV

I got out to take a breather. If I stayed in there any longer I would go deaf from Hidan's snoring. I don't know how everyone can sleep through it.

I paused and to the mirror in the bathroom.

I touched my face. 'I look like Sasuke when he was this age.'

"I wonder if he'll ever forgive me." I muttered out loud.

I remember actually smiling to him one last time before I died. (SPOILER ALERT!)

I shook my head at the memory and went to the living room instead.

Since I'm not tired I thought a movie would be best to ease my thoughts.

I looked over the names and noticed a foreign name. 'Sweeney Todd'. I've always been a fast learner with or without my Sharingan so the language seemed simple enough.

I popped it in the DVD player and pressed play.

An hour passed and I was already fascinated with it. It's based in a city called 'London', where a man was cheated of his wife and daughter by a jealous judge so now that man wants revenge.

I was just watching the part where he could've had the chance to kill the judge and missed it so now Mrs. Lovett tells him to calm down and wait.

"_All this running about what happened?_

**I had him! His throat was bare beneath my hand. No I had him! His throat was there and now he'll never come again-**

_Easy now, hush love hush I keep telling you-_

**When-**

_What's your rush?_

**Why did I wait? You told me to wait and now he'll never come again.**

**There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with shit and the vermin of the world inhabit it. **

**But not for long…**

**They all deserve to die. Tell you why Mrs. Lovett, tell you why. Because in all of the whole human race Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of people and only two.**

**There's the one staying in his proper place and the one with his foot in the other one's face.**

**Look at me, Mrs. Lovett, look at you.**

**Now we all deserve to die, Even you, Mrs. Lovett, even I.**

**Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief for the rest of us death will be a relief.**

**We all deserve to die.**

**And I'll never see Johanna no I'll never hug my girl to me- finished!!**

**Alright! You sir, how about a shave?**

**Come and visit your good friend Sweeney.**

**You sir, too sir? Welcome to the grave.**

**I will have vengeance,**

**I will have salvation."**

"Hello?" Nana said sleepily.

I paused the movie and turned around to see her wearing cotton pajamas with cats on it.

She wiped the sleep from her eyes. "Itachi. What are you doing up so late?"

"I couldn't sleep and I was in the mood for a movie." I answered.

She looked at the screen and smiled. "Sweeney Todd! That's a good one." She blinked. "Wait, you can speak English?"

"A little. It seems easy enough." I said.

"May I join you?" She smiled politely.

I nodded and pressed play again.

An hour passed and I was impressed with Nana.

I would've thought a fragile-looking girl like her would faint or vomit at all the gory murders. Then again if this wasn't a musical this would've been Hidan's kind of movie.

When the movie ended I looked over at Nana, she was crying.

I frowned. "Nana are you alright?"

She wiped her tears away with her sleeve. "I'm fine. The ending is so sad I always cry." Her frown turned into a smile. "So what do you think of the movie Itachi?"

I paused. "It… was beautiful and in a way reminded me of myself and my little brother."

"You have a little brother? Where is he now?"

"…"

"Oh, sorry… I didn't mean to pry." Nana apologized.

I shook my head. "So where did you get this movie?"

She brightened up. "Hoshi loves American films so she mail-orders them. Once she gets them she introduces them to me and I absolutely fall in love with them!"

When I didn't say anything she hung her head in embarrassment. "You must think I'm weird huh?"

"No. I was just listening." I told her.

"Want to watch another?" She asked.

I nodded.

This time it was an animated movie. She says it's called an 'anime' which right now is all the rage in Japan. The movie was called, Blood+.

We were halfway through the movie when Nana fell asleep and lightly snored.

I took a blanket from the couch and tucked her in. I sighed, 'Well hopefully Hidan's snoring has died down.' As I walked back to our room.

End/Chapter 3

A/N: So anyways I chose Sweeney Todd because I thought it would be the type of movie Itachi would like. So anyways please review on which Akatsuki member Nana should be paired up with. Oh and if anyone is a fan of Bleach has anyone seen episode 228? Please review I appreciate them.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Morning troubles

A/N: I just came back from my Grandpa's and Silverwood!! So anyway I checked the reviews and I can see many of you suggested Itachi and some suggested Deidara, so I put up a poll on my profile on who Nana should end up with so vote, vote for your country! …Just kidding. So to do something new I decided to bring a fan favorite for the disclaimer… Tobi!

(POOF!)

Tobi: Hi everyone Tobi is a good boy! But Samantha is mean to not put Tobi in the story…

Me: Aw, Tobi that's ok because for a spoiler I plan on having you in the story.

Tobi: YAY!!! Tobi get's to surprise Deidara-senpai!!!

Me: (Oh won't Deidara be surprised.) *Evil grin* Ok Tobi do the disclaimer!

Tobi: Yes, Samantha does not own the characters of Naruto, but she owns Nana! How was that? Was Tobi a good boy?

Me: Yep Tobi was a very good boy so he gets a cookie.

Tobi: Yay cookies!!!

Me: Now on with the story!

Story starts: Kisame's POV

I woke up with a yawn. I noticed that I was the only one up because Deidara and Itachi looked like they were having nightmares, Sasori and Zetsu were sleeping peacefully, Hidan was snoring as loud as a bear, I was wondering how Kakuzu could sleep with that noise since he was sleeping next to him until I got a closer look to see he was wearing earplugs.

My stomach growled. "Time to eat." I said.

I headed down to the kitchen when I heard loud noises coming from it. I rushed down only to see Nana wearing a pink tee with white capris looking a little flustered.

"No,no,no,no, please tell me I at least have bread…" She hoped, "Darn."

"Nana?" I said.

She flinched and turned around.

"Oh Kisame," She sighed. "I was going to surprise everyone."

"With breakfast?" I guessed.

She nodded. "But it seems I forgot groceries again…" She then ran over to me and bowed. "Would you mind coming with me to the store?"

I sweat-dropped. "I don't mind."

She smiled with relief. "Good let me just write a note and we'll go."

Nana took out some scratch-paper and wrote quickly then grabbed my arm and we bolted out of the house.

~Meanwhile with Deidara~

Deidara was tossing and turning in his sleep. His face beaded with sweat.

"No you can't be here, you can't curse me here." He muttered in his sleep.

~In his dream~

A skyscraper tall Tobi was overshadowing a mouse-sized Deidara looking completely menacing with the flames of hell in the background and Tobi was laughing maniacally.

"**So Senpai, you thought you could escape Tobi this way hm?**" Tobi laughed.

Deidara looked like he was going to have a heart attack, "Y-You're not real you can't be here."

"**But Senpai if I'm here does that mean you're still as stupid as you were before or has being dead affected your brain?**" Tobi mocked.

An anime vein mark appeared on Deidara's head. "Damn it even in death you annoy me to no end."

He was about to unleash a bomb until the Tobi giant raised his foot over Deidara!

"**Bye Bye Deidara-senpai Tobi is a good boy.**" Tobi muttered.

~Reality~

Deidara woke up with a start screaming. After the scream he ended up panting.

"Thank god and even Jashin, it was just a nightmare." Deidara sighed.

Deidara then blinked and looked around all the beds were empty.

"Where'd everybody go?" Deidara questioned until Hidan cursing downstairs.

"What the?" He rushed downstairs.

Hidan's complaints got louder. "Damn it! You mother-fucker Riku why won't you die yet!!!"

"Hidan what the hell are you doing?" Deidara asked.

Hidan appeared to be playing a video-game, he paused the game and looked up.

"I'm playing Kingdom Hearts. I've gotten this far in the damn game but I keep getting killed by Riku the prick!!" (No one think I hate Riku I like him but he's hard to defeat…)

Deidara nodded. "Hey where's Nana and the others?"

Hidan growled. "Itachi's cleaning the house, Zetsu's checking out the garden, Kakuzu's checking up on Nana's bills, Sasori's helping Itachi with cleaning, and Kisame went grocery-shopping with that girl."

Deidara flinched. "Nana's with Kisame?"

"Now if you'll excuse me I need to kill Riku the prick and feed his darkness-infested soul to Jashin!" Hidan shouted.

Deidara sweat-dropped. 'Hidan you seem to be a little too into the game…'

Deidara went over to the kitchen to see Kakuzu like Hidan said looking through Nana's house bills.

"Can you believe the amount to support this house? It's highway robbery if you ask me. Those bankers are soulless greedy assholes." Kakuzu growled at the bills.

"You're one to talk." Deidara muttered.

Kakuzu looked up to see Deidara. "Oh Nana left a note if you want to read it."

The note was on the counter across from Kakuzu. Deidara picked it up and immediately his eye twitched. It was a normal 'Just went to the store to get food with Kisame. Be back soon!' But that wasn't what creeped Deidara out. It was the stationary…

It had chibi pandas all around it. It was so cute it was disgusting…

Deidara was about to put it away when he screamed!

Kakuzu flinched and looked over at Deidara. "What's wrong?"

Deidara's hands shivered. "M-My mouths on my h-hands," He started to tear up a little. "they're gone…"

Kakuzu anime-fell then got up and glared at Deidara. "You mean you just realized it?"

"I'm going to miss those little guys, they brought me so much joy in my art…" Deidara still teared up as he mourned for his missing mouths.

~Meanwhile in the sky outside the Takemori shrine~

A mysterious girl in a red blouse and black jeans riding on a broom was floating outside the shrine. She had wavy jet-black hair that reached to her waist and golden eyes.

"Well, looks like the former criminals are already settled in comfortably." The girl smirked.

She took out a walkie-talkie. "Ash to headquaters the former members of the Akatsuki are safe, and that little joke of ours definitely gave me some laughs." She spoke into it. After a few muffled answers she grunted an answer and had her attention back to the kids.

"Now should I go down and explain everything before they get mad at us or should I just go to a bar?" The girl now known as Ash asked herself.

She smirked. "Survey says 'Go to a bar and drink to my heart's content." Ash giggled.

She cast one last look at the Akatsuki kids. "Looks like we'll meet soon, if I want to…"

And with that she flew away.

A/N: Well what do you think? Review please and thought it'd be really funny if Hidan would be a fan of kingdom hearts. Anyways this Ash girl won't show up for awhile which gives Nana some bonding time with the Akatsuki. Please review!

End/Chapter 4


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Kisame Blues and Hidan Bonding

A/N: Sorry, Sorry, infinity times sorry that it's taken me this long to update again, but I blame my mom for grounding me, writer's block and I would've updated yesterday, but I've had a fever of 103.3 for two full days, I'm just lucky it wasn't swine flu. Anyway enough about me. For those who have been reviewing I thank you all, now last time Nana had issues about no food to serve her new house guests and Deidara finally noticed he had no mouths on his hands. Now for the disclaimer here's… Pein!

-POOF-

Pein: Hello.

Me: Would you like to the disclaimer Pein.

Pein: You're really lonely if you want other people want to do the disclaimer.

Me: ( Pein do not make me bring Konan here.

Pein: …fine. Samantha does not own any of my Akatsuki members but she owns Nana and this story.

Story Starts: Nana's POV

Kisame and I just arrived at the market for groceries.

Thanks to Kisame I know what the boys' favorite food: Itachi loves dumplings, Hidan likes anything spicy like curry, Deidara has a sweet-tooth, Zetsu likes meat, Kakuzu and Sasori doesn't eat often so I'll try to figure that out.

"Thanks for coming with me Kisame I needed your help." I smiled.

Kisame smirked. "No problem, besides I'd rather be with you and take a break from those morons."

I giggled. "Still," Kisame continued. "I didn't know markets can be this large."

"That's because some of our food comes from other continents like America or Europe." I explained.

"I didn't know there were different countries besides Japan." Kisame said.

"Well I'll try to teach you before you guys can be able to go to school." I whispered.

'What I'm curious about is, why didn't their parents teach them this?' I thought.

After a little walking around to get ingredients and groceries some middle-aged passed by us and got startled at Kisame and went by quickly.

"That was rude." I said, I looked over at Kisame.

He was sulking curled up in a ball with a gloomy aura.

"After all I'm strangely colored." Kisame muttered.

"That must really bother you." I shook my head. "Don't mind them, come on let's finish getting these groceries."

I took Kisame's hand to get the last of our groceries.

Some time passed and we finally got our shopping done we headed back for home.

Kisame looked up at me curiously.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Aren't you bothered that I have blue skin?" He asked.

I didn't expect him to say that.

I paused. "Well at first I thought it was strange that you and Zetsu have odd skin." I told him, "But that doesn't matter, I like you all odd skin or not."

Kisame didn't say anything and just walked.

"Ever since I found you guys outside the Cat Café I felt happy." I whispered quietly.

Hidan's POV

"YEAH! I finally killed that mother-fucker Ansem!!" I shouted.

I looked at the screen as the credits rolled by. "The storyline may be retarded at times, but this game's awesome!"

I glared at the clock it was one o'clock already.

"Damn, how long is that woman going to take? I'm staving!" I growled.

Since I'm bored again I might as well play some more games. "Let's see… Bloody Roar 3. This sounds intresting." I hooked it up to the PS2 and started playing.

"Holy Jashin… this is awesome! This is all I've ever wanted in a game!" I licked my lips and played a few characters, so far I kick more ass with Shenlong!"

"Hey, hey, Kakuzu!" I called.

Kakuzu glared at me. "What?"

"Wanna play Bloody Roar? I'll let you practice a few times before I kick your ass." I smirked.

Kakuzu glared at me. "Hidan, I'd rather keep my brain cells than kill them on that idiotic and pointless game."

He went to get a book and went outside to read.

"Tch. Well screw you! I'm sure someone will play against me." I frowned.

I thought about my choices. I would ask Deidara, but that pansy is still crying over his mouth-less hands. Itachi and Sasori stopped cleaning, but those pussies went to join Kakuzu. Kisame is still with the woman. So that leaves me with one last option…

"Oh Zetsu!" I sang.

~30 minutes later~

"Explain this to me, why did I want to play this again?" Zetsu's white side asked.

"**Yeah, get someone else to play with you Hidan.**" Zetsu's black side glared.

I snickered. "Whatever Zetsu. You're just being a sore loser."

My moments of glory ended with the woman returning.

"We're back!" The woman's voice called.

"It's about damn time." I scowled.

Then the most fucked up thing happened. Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, and Kakuzu punched my head!!

"What the fuck you assholes?!" I yelled.

"Please don't fight!" The woman cried.

2:00 (Lunch) : Nana's POV

I finally got food served for the boys. Oh, and in case you're wondering about their clothes I sewed their cloaks to have them fit, I couldn't just leave them with over-sized clothes. I'll have Hoshi to help shop for their clothes.

As we got settled down to eat the boys wolfed everything down before I could even finish mine…

"I'm really sorry that Kisame and I took so long." I apologized.

"Nana, un?" Deidara asked. "Can you tell us about yourself, un?"

"Sure." I nodded.

"Aw, not one of those gay intro speeches. Girl can I play Bloody Roar instead?" Hidan complained.

The boys glared at him to stay and Hidan mumbled about someone called Jashin.

I took a deep breath. "Well you guys can call me whatever you like, I don't mind if you call me by my first or last name. Second, I'm 20 years old."

No One's POV

Everyone's eyes widened a bit.

"You're 20?" Zetsu said nervously.

"Um yes, what's wrong?" Nana tilted my head.

'I thought she was 18 or younger…' The boys thought to themselves.

Back to Nana's POV

"Anyways, I like cats, milk, green tea, chocolate, animals, and swimming. And I work at the Cat Café which I'll have to go back to work on Monday (Yes it's Saturday)." I'm pretty sure I introduced myself well. "So what did you boys do while Kisame and I were gone?"

Hidan raised his hand.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Not that this is interesting, but can I play a game now? I'm fucking bored." Hidan frowned.

Once again the boys glared at him.

"It's alright, you don't have to stay." I smiled.

Hidan smiled. "Thanks!"

After he leapt from the table to the living room the sound of punches, blood, and Hidan's laughter filled the air…

After a few more hours of talking and thanking Itachi and Sasori for cleaning they all headed for bed. Well except Hidan who was still playing Bloody Roar.

I sat beside him, his eyes were too focused on the screen to notice me. I kinda observed his battling.

"Wow you definitely like being Shenlong in the game." I said.

"Yeah, His moves totally kick ass! Whenever I fight I pretend I'm sacrificing my opponents to Jashin, although I don't think he appreciates false sacrifices."

"Who is Jashin anyway?" I finally asked after hearing him say that name a lot.

Hidan paused the game. "He is my patron god for my religion. He provided me with many blessings and made me immortal too! Believe it or not I can be very religious."

Immortal? I wonder if he was joking about that? Hidan frowned.

"Why are you bothering me anyway? I really want to get back to killing my opponent." Hidan grumbled.

"Well it's time for bed."

Hidan scoffed. "Yeah right I'll go to bed when I want to woman."

Hidan may talk like an adult, a rude potty-mouthed adult but still an adult, but he's still a kid and needs his sleep. So I thought how I could convince him to go to bed. Since he's so focused on the game I finally thought of something.

"You wanna make a bet?" I grinned.

"If you want to talk about bets talk to Kakuzu he's the greedy one." Hidan said.

"No not with money, if I could beat you in the game will you go to bed?" I wagered.

Hidan paused then grinned widely. "Alright bitch you're on. But if I win I stay up as long as I want."

"The deal's been made." I smiled.

I plugged in a controller for me to play, Hidan chose Shenlong the tiger again, and I chose Uriko the half-beast (A.K.A. a cat!) .

"Let's play!"

2 rounds later Hidan's POV

"Winner: Uriko!"

I couldn't fucking believe it… That girl beat me by playing that cat-girl character and totally killed me…

I glared at her she flinched. "What?"

"How come you're so fucking good at this I didn't bother to tell me?" I clenched my teeth.

"Hoshi and I play games all the time. We always play our favorite characters like you with Shenlong. My trump character is Uriko and Hoshi's is Shina the Leopard. We actually broke 100 on arcade mode so… sorry I didn't mention that." The woman smiled nervously.

"I demand a rematch!" I challenged.

"Nope the deal was that if I won you go to bed." I frowned.

I pouted. I didn't argue because Jashin never forgives those who don't fulfill their promises. Though I can't imagine a worse Hell since I already died.

"I'm sorry, but everyone needs their sleep." Nana said quietly.

I raised an eyebrow at my own thoughts. What the fuck? Did I just call by her name?

Then the woman did something stupid and hugged me! I pushed her away hoping my face wasn't red. "W-What the fuck was that for?!"

Nana bowed. "I'm sorry! My mom always used to give me hugs before bed I'm sorry if you minded."

"N-No it's fine just don't do so much you dumb bimbo!" I marched up the stairs heading for bed.

Nana's POV

I chuckled at how childish Hidan was acting. I wonder if all days are going to be like this? I turned off the T.V. and headed for bed myself.

A/N: Well what do you guys think? I hope it was good 'cause I worked hard on brainstorming. Anyways I hope to update a lot sooner for you guys I promise, but it can be too soon because of school, CURSE YOU SCHOOL!!!

Anyways for a change of pace here's a little bonus for you guys.

Bonus:

"Danna!" Deidara called Sasori.

"Hm?" Sasori replied.

"Check out this movie, I think you'll like it, it reminds me of you, un." Deidara grinned.

"Ok?" Sasori tilted his head in confusion.

Deidara put the movie in and skipped forward to a certain part. Sasori was confused until a song came on.

"I got no strings to hold me down,

I have no strings to make me frown,

I had some strings,

But now you see they are no strings on me!"

"…"

"Well what do you think of the movie danna un?" Deidara grinned.

"I hate you so much." Sasori glared at Deidara.

A/N: I hope you guys like the bonus anyways next chapter we finally get to have Hoshi come back since chapter 2! So see you next time!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Shopping with Hoshi

A/N: Bonjour mes amis! And welcome to chapter 5 of this story, finally Hoshi gets a bigger part since chapter 2. Now she gets to finally meet the Akatsuki kids. Will she be friends with them or will they be bitter enemies? Here to do the disclaimer speak of the devil here's… Hoshi!

-POOF-

Hoshi: Yo.

Me: Would you mind to do the disclaimer?

Hoshi: I certainly would not.

…

Me: ? Uh when are you going to do it?

Hoshi: Sorry I was building some dramatic pulses. Samantha doesn't own anyone except me and Nana!

Story Starts: Hoshi's POV

_Knock knock._

I groaned. My head was killing me from last night. I knew I shouldn't have had Yusuke convince me to try ten different pina coladas. I covered my blanket over my head.

_Knock knock knock_.

"Go away." I grumbled.

"Miss Hokori, your friend Nana is here to see you." One of my annoying maids addressed.

"Nana?" I whispered. "What could she be doing here?" Today wasn't a workday.

No one's POV (A few minutes ago)

Nana and her seven house guests were finally going to go get clothes for them. The kids stared in shock at the house before them. House however was an understatement, it was a huge old-style Japanese manor. It was a manor worthy of an aristocrat. Nana noticed the boys open-mouthed expressions.

"I guess I forgot to mention that Hoshi's family is really wealthy." Nana scratched behind her head.

"Is she a princess or some kind of ambassador, un?" Deidara asked.

Nana shrugged. "I know her dad's the head of a huge company, but Hoshi is as pretty as a princess."

Nana pressed a button on a speaker. "Is Hoshi Hokori here?"

"**Miss Hokori is sleeping, may I ask who is requesting her presence?**" A lady's voice came out of it.

"It's Nana Takemori."

"**Oh Miss Takemori it has been awhile I shall announce your coming to Miss Hokori. Please come in.**" The lady said.

"Thank you." Nana smiled.

Nana looked over at the kids. "What's wrong?"

"What is that thing?" Kakuzu asked.

"What this?" Nana pointed to the speaker.

They nodded.

"This is what some people install near the front door. You press this button and ask whoever it is you want to see." She explained.

"This place's technology is incredible." Kakuzu said.

They sat down in a tatami room filled with beautiful vases of sunflowers. The boys were staring in awe at every direction they saw. Nana merely giggled at their actions.

"Please make yourselves comfortable while we fetch Miss Hokori." A maid bowed.

"Nana what's this Hoshi person like?" Kisame asked her.

"Well she's very nice, and also really strong and smart. She is my co-worker at the Cat Café and I've already mentioned that we are best friends since kindergarten." Nana smiled excitedly as she spoke of her friend.

"If she's so rich why does she even need to work?" Kakazu narrowed his eyes.

"Hoshi doesn't like to use her dad's money, so she earns her own by paying her own way." _That and she's head over heels over Yusuke_. Nana thought to herself thinking of Hoshi's relationship with their boss Yusuke Kyoya. He's only 25 so it's alright for Hoshi to date him. _After all she's the same age as me._ Nana nodded to herself.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door opening to reveal Hoshi in baggy sweatpants and a gray tank top.

Hoshi's POV

I could feel my eye twitching at this strange sight. Why is Nana surrounding by the 7 dwarfs? Call it my sixth sense but I had this feeling just the other day when I last talked to Nana. These boys are giving off the exact same feeling. There's something very odd about them.

"What's this Nana did you secretly have kids and didn't tell me?" I smirked.

Nana blushed. "H-Hoshi! Don't joke about stuff like that!!"

"So who are these tykes anyway?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Oh, um, these are, um… oh! My long lost cousins from Hokkaido! They've just recently have no place to go so now they're staying with me."

"Uh-huh." Definitely not buying the story. "Anyway what brings you here to visit?" I smiled at Nana.

"Well you see I was hoping to buy these guys some clothes." Hoshi blushed. "I'm not exactly sure what to get them so I was hoping you could help me?"

I shrugged. "I'm ok with it." _That and my sixth sense is driving me crazy_.

Nana clapped her hands together happily. "Great it'll be like a field trip! Have you guys ever seen a mall before?"

"What's a mall, un?" The kid with blonde hair asked. Is that a boy or girl?

"You've never been to a mall before?" I narrowed my eyes.

"I guess they're from the farms they've been to a big-time mall before." Nana scratched the back of her head nervously.

"Alright let me just get dressed and we'll get going. Nana you wanna come with me." I asked.

"Ok." She smiled.

The boys POV:

"She suspects us." Sasori confirmed.

"Yeah it's fuckin' weird." Hidan frowned.

"Do you think she knows what we are?" Zetsu's white side asked.

The boys shrugged. After a half hour later the girls came back.

"Sorry for making you guys wait." Nana apologized.

"It's alright Nana." Kisame said.

Hoshi was dressed up in black tank top with a short-sleeved black jacket and blue jeans. Nana's outfit was opposite of Hoshi's hers was a white tank top with a short-sleeved pink jacket and beige pants.

"Welp let's get going." Hoshi smiled at Nana.

Once they got to the mall the boys noticed how Hoshi gave her attention only to Nana as if the boys weren't even there.

"What you want to get them is something simple but still fashionable yet affordable." Hoshi explained. "If we head to Kid's Palace they'll have what you're looking for."

"Got it! Simple, fashionable, and affordable!" Nana gave a determined look.

Hoshi giggled.

"Hey are you guys hungry?" Nana turned to the boys who flinched at Nana.

They shrugged. "We guess?" Itachi said soft-spoken.

"I'll get you guys some ice-cream. I'll be right back." Nana ran off to an ice-cream stall.

When she went around a corner Hoshi glared the boys and again they flinched.

"W-What?!" Hidan asked.

Hoshi crossed her arms across her chest. "Alright I know that story about you being her cousins is bogus. So who exactly are you guys?"

"What do you mean, un?" Deidara asked her.

"Don't give me that. There's a strange air around you guys that's not of this world. Those bodies of yours are also not your correct ages. Stop me if I'm wrong."

The boys glanced at each other, they definitely didn't expect this.

"You're right we're not exactly this age or from this world." Zetsu's white side explained.

"I knew it." Hoshi whispered. "So spill what are your real ages?"

"Most of us are in our early twenties. Some of us a bit older, but Deidara's the youngest he's 18." Kakuzu explained.

Hoshi tripped against the wall. "Are you telling me my best friend is hanging around little midgets that are 25 or older?!" She demanded.

"What's it to you bitch?!" Hidan snorted.

Hoshi's twitched. "Oh don't you call me a bitch you little punkass. You don't even know me so don't you get smart with me!" She growled at Hidan.

Hoshi and Hidan had a small glaring contest until Hoshi broke it up by asking, "So, where exactly are you guys from?"

"We're from a different version Japan, at least that's what we can tell from here." Itachi said.

Hoshi's expression softened. "So why are you guys like this now?"

"We don't know why all we remember is that we died and all of a sudden we ended up here and in these forms." Sasori said.

"Hm." Hoshi pondered. "That could be why I get a strange feeling from you guys."

"What do you mean?" Kisame asked.

Hoshi leaned against a wall. "I've always had what you would call a sixth sense. I can see and feel things most people can't even see. When I asked my parents about it they just said it was my imagination, but Hell I can't really rely on them. When I first met Nana in kindergarten someone told me she comes from a shrine, I thought 'Maybe she sees the same things I do!'. When I asked her if she was like me she apologized and said she couldn't, but being the Nana I know and love she thought it was cool that I sense those things and she was the first person who believed me." Hoshi paused. "It's funny, how I can feel these things without being from spiritual heritage and Nana who comes from a shrine can't,"

The boys didn't say anything until Sasori spoke. "You really care about Nana don't you?"

Hoshi laughed out loud. "Are you kidding? Hell if I was a boy we would've been one weird couple!"

The boys sweat-dropped. Finally came over to them hauling ice-cream in a little tin threatening to spill over.

"Guys! Grab your ice-cream quick if you want to eat!" Nana warned.

~~Some hours later~~

The day was almost over. The boys finally have modern clothes and they ate ice-cream!! (Sorry that last part sounded lame but who doesn't like ice-cream? Well except those who are lactose intolerant…).

"Well how do you guys like your clothes?" Nana smiled.

The boys forced smiles and nodded their heads leaving Nana giggling with happiness.

'I'd feel more comfortable in our cloaks…' The boys thought to themselves.

"Thanks again for coming with us Hoshi." Nana hugged Hoshi.

Hoshi smiled and hugged back. "No problem it was fine."

"Let's get your clothes home ok guys?" Nana walked on up the stairs.

The boys almost followed until Hoshi touched each of their shoulders.

They looked up innocently until their faces turned into fright by seeing Hoshi smiling very creepily…

"You guys aren't off the hook with me yet, I don't exactly trust 20 year olds with my best friend. So if you guys do anything to her not only will be pissed but I'll be coming for you." Hoshi warned. "Do you understand?"

The boys nodded their heads quickly. With that Hoshi turned around and leaving the boys. Their first meeting with Hoshi and they doubt it'll be the last… The boys thought.

A/N: Well what do you guys think of Hoshi? Oh and a warning next chapter is kind of a filler and really short, but at the end it will go back to the main story. Please review!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Baths

A/N: What's up? After reading the chapter I just uploaded, I realize I made a few… mistakes… So sorry about that. And sorry about this chapter it's a little short but I promise you'll like it! Anyways the one to do the disclaimer is none other is me! I don't own anyone except Nana and Ash. If I did own them I wouldn't have the Akatsuki members dead!! Masashi Kishimoto is killing off all the cool characters, the Akatsuki and Asuma!

Story Starts: No one's POV

After getting their new clothes put away in their room the gang was sitting in the living room watching The Nightmare Before Christmas much to Hidan's dismay. Itachi and Deidara both sat on one side of Nana on the couch. Zetsu was on Itachi's other side, Sasori on Deidara's side. Kisame, Hidan, and Kakuzu sat on the floor. At the scene where Jack Skellington first discovers Christmas Town Nana turned to Deidara.

"Deidara-chan, would you like to take a bath with me?" Nana asked Deidara.

Itachi, Kisame, and everyone else looked at her dumb-founded while Deidara was blushing at the same time.

"W-W-Why would you ask me that?" Deidara stuttered.

"Well I thought since we're both girls I thought we could bath together." Nana smiled.

At first Deidara was a little stabbed by that comment since he had a history of always being mistaken as a girl, but he let it slide since this could be a chance to take a bath with Nana!

"Of course-" Deidara was about to explain until Sasori covered his mouth.

"Nana Deidara is a boy." Sasori smiled evilly.

Deidara glared daggers at him.

Nana was startled. "Oh I'm sorry Deidara I forgot."

"Don't worry I'd still have a bath with you if you want to!" Deidara managed to escape Sasori's hand to exclaim.

"Oh alright." Nana smiled.

"Wait if this dumb-ass is taking a bath I'm going to!" Hidan glared at Deidara.

"As will I." Itachi and Sasori said at the same time.

Kakuzu, Kisame, and Zetsu oddly didn't say anything, but they were enjoying the show.

Nana stared at them blankly. "You… all want to take a bath?"

They nodded feverously.

"O-ok?"

_This probably isn't going to go well_. Zetsu, Kisame, and Kakuzu sweat-dropped.

~Few minutes later~

The four boys had their eyes closed and glaring at the same time. They were all in one corner of the tub. Sasori and Itachi to the right, Hidan and Deidara to the left.

_This isn't exactly what we planned_. They thought.

"_Make sure to make yourselves nice and clean ok guys_?" Nana called from outside the bathroom.

Apparently Nana thought they wanted to take a bath together so she thought it would be best.

~Meanwhile somewhere in the city~

"Mommy, mommy, who's that pretty lady on the bench."

"Honey that is what we call a drunk, let's go home right now."

The lady that they were talking about was sprawled across a bench wearing a red blouse and black capris. Her wavy black hair curtained around her face while she was snoring like a bear. A few wine glasses and beer bottles surrounded.

_Hello Ash? Come in Ash._ A voice came from her pocket.

Ash grumbled and ignored it.

_Ash? Ash…_

"Mmmm. Go away. Call back in a century." Ash muttered in her sleep.

_ASH!!!! _The voice shouted.

Ash snapped up awake.

"Yes-Ow, ow, ah my head!" Ash cried holding her head.

_Ash this is Headquarters they're getting impatient up here. Those S-rank criminals you were assigned to?_

"Oh come on Blanc I've got a major hangover here. Can't it wait just a little longer?" Ash complained as she held a small compact mirror.

"_No it can't wait. Headquarters is getting impatient. You have to explain the situation to those boys or you'll be demoted_." A vision of a man in his early twenties appeared in the mirror with white hair and a white robe.

"Well unlike you guys partying it up in Heaven I unfortunately have a full-time gig in reaping the souls of the dead here." Ash glared at the mirror. "Besides I still don't get why these guys are so important anyway?"

Blanc sighed. "_Ash it's that kind of attitude that got you kicked out of heaven._"

"Yeah, yeah and the only way to make up for it is by playing the job of the Grim Reaper."

"_They are souls that have been given a second chance. Ash they're serious go to them immediately or you'll be demoted even more._" Blanc said softly until the image cleared.

Ash smirked. "Gee Blanc baby didn't know you cared."

Ash paused and looked in the direction. "Well might as well do as I'm told. Otherwise I'll never leave Earth at this rate"

Ash grabbed her broom and flew off to finally make an appearance.

A/N: Well that's it. I am sorry it's a little short but I promise the next chapter will be longer but until then I have a surprise next chapter because it's a bonus! Based on the holiday we all know is coming up. See you next time!


	8. Chapter 8

Bonus Chapter:

Woodland Critter Christmas

A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! Instead of the usual storyline I decided to do my version of Christmas for the Akatsuki Kids? But this will be a bit different from usual Christmas specials that people write about. I hope you like it! And for those who can recognize this yes this is based off an idea from a south park episode. Which I don't own anything!

_Narrator speaking_

Regular way of talking.

Story Starts:

_Way up in the mountains in a small little town where the streets were being decorated all up and down. People stood in long lines, sometimes waited hours or more because Christmas had to be bought in a store. But out in the forest no too far away the little critters were preparing for their Christmas._

"It's almost time for time of year the time that is almost here. We can hardly wait 'cause it's so near a Woodland Critter Christmas!" _The little critters worked hard as they happily sang and each one of the them had a quite interesting name:_

_ There was Squirrelly the squirrel, Rabbity the rabbit, Beavery the beaver, and Beary the bear, Porcupiney the porcupine, Skunky the skunk, Foxy the fox, and Deery the deer. Woodpeckery the woodpecker, Mousy the mouse, , and Chikadee-e the Chikadee all made the forest their house._

_ And on that day stumbling upon all that was a surprised little blond boy in red poof ball hat._

" …What the hell?" Deidara's eye twitched.

The critters ran up to Deidara in excite.

"Hi there welcome to our forest!" Rabbity smiled.

"How do you like our Christmas Tree?" Skunky asked.

"It's uh nice, un." Deidara answered feeling really uncomfortable.

"Oh no I see a problem!" Mousy exclaimed.

"What is it Mousy?" Deery asked.

"Our Christmas Tree doesn't have a star." Mousy explained.

"We can't have a Tree with no star on it." Beary said.

"Now don't be sad y'all maybe our new friend Deidara can help us?" Squirrelly said.

"Will you really Deidara?" "Can you really?" "Oh please?" They all asked him repeatedly.

"Ok, Ok, I'll do it." Deidara agreed.

"Yay!" They all cheered.

_And so using some paper and working with glee the blond boy in the red poof ball hat made a star for the tree._

The critters were all awed by the star Deidara made for them.

"It's nicest star I ever saw." Beary said.

_The little critters cheered and Beavery said with a smile_:

"How would you like to sing and dance with us for awhile?"

_The little boy smiled and said_:

"Uh no thanks I gotta go home." Deidara said.

"G-Good-bye Deidara!" "Like your hat!" They all waved good-bye.

"Ugh." Deidara muttered in disgust.

Later that night:

Deidara stirred in his bed sensing something was here so he turned on the lamp to see… them.

"Hi Deidara!" They all greeted.

"Ah what, un?" Deidara growled while rubbing his eyes.

_His friends were all there what a wonderful surprise the little blond boy smiled with joy in his eyes_!

"What time is it, un?" Deidara muttered.

"You're not gonna believe this Deidara it's magical Christmas gift ever." Squirrelly smiled.

"Porcupiney is pregnant!" Skunky exclaimed.

"You guys I have to go to sleep." Deidara said drowsily.

"I deduce the man-boy doesn't understand the seriousness of the fertilization." Mousy nodded.

"Porcupiney is a virgin Deidara. Her consumption was immaculate." Deery explained.

"She's gonna give birth to our lord and savior!" Foxy cried.

Deidara glared at them, "… What?"

"It was told to me I would give birth on Christmas Day." Porcupiney smiled.

"So soon how wonderful our souls are saved." Woodpeckery added.

"There's just one problem Deidara. We don't have a manger for our savior to be born in!" Squirrelly told Deidara.

The critters groaned and their expressions sad.

"But we got to have a manger." Beary complained.

"Can you build us a manger Deidara? Can you do it huh?" Rabbity asked rapidly.

Then without even waiting for Deidara to answer the critters cheered.

_"Of course I'll build you a manger" the little boy cried. And he winked at his critter friends and leapt to their side._

_ And out in the woods the little boy steamed right ahead to build a manger for the baby to lay it's sweet head._

"It's the nicest manger I ever saw." Beary once again said.

"I deduce it shall work perfectly as a bed for son of our lord." Mousy confirmed.

"Does this mean we can go to sleep now?" Raccoony rubbed his eyes.

"My son will have the nicest bed in all the forest." Porcupiney said.

"Fit for a king!" Said Woodpeckery.

"This is gonna be the best Woodland Critter Christmas ever!" Squirrelly nodded.

As they started to sing again Deidara was starting to walk away.

"Ok, well I'm going home now, un." He said.

But their singing stopped when they heard a threatening growl.

They screamed. "Aaaah!" "The Mountain Lion!" "Hide!"

A pair of red eyes peered through the forest shadowy trees.

"Go away shoo!" Deidara waved his hand.

The Mountain Lion reluctantly left. The critters came out of their hiding places.

"Is it gone?" Squirrelly asked.

"I deduce it is." Mousy confirmed.

"I-I'm not c-coming out." Skunky stuttered hiding behind a tree.

"Well this is the end. The Mountain Lion obviously knows Porcupiney's pregnant and it's gonna kill it again." Foxy said.

"Again?" Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"Every Christmas the Mountain Lion comes down and kills the virgin critter impregnanted with the son of our lord." Squirrelly explained.

"Let's face it, the Mountain Lion will never let our savior be born." Beavery said depressed sitting on a tree stump.

The critters groaned and cried again.

"Wait a minute let's not be done y'all. Because this time we've got Deidara!" Squirrelly announced.

"Of course Deidara can do anything! If he can build a manger he can stop that mean old Mountain Lion!" Raccoony exclaimed.

"Christmas is saved." Porcupiney sighed with relief.

And the critters cheered again.

~Later~

_High up on a dark craggly peak the Mountain Lion lived and preyed on the weak. For the critters to be saved someone had to stop that nasty old cat._

"Goddamnit this is fucking ridiculous." _Said the little blond boy in the red poof ball hat._

_Killing a mountain was no easy task but he thought of a plan, and he thought of it fast._

"Grr. Grrr." Deidara called out to the Lion. "Come on out!"

A pair of red eyes and a malicious growl shown in the cave.

"Come out critter killer. Your days of slaughtering innocent animals are over! Rawr!" Deidara cried.

He dodged when the Mountain Lion pounced out of the cave! Deidara kept growling at it, leading it to the peak of the mountain. As soon as they were right near the edge the Mountain Lion pounced at Deidara, but Deidara moved out of the way and Mountain fell to its death.

_ In a flash it was over a victorious blow! The Mountain Lion lay slain on the cold ground below._

Deidara swept snow off his clothes. "Ok good."

But before he could leave, to his surprise 3 little Mountain cubs came out of the cave!

"Mommy? Mommy!" One cried.

Deidara blinked.

"W-Wake up mommy wake up." Said another.

"Don't leave us mommy." The last one exclaimed.

Deidara had an astonished look on his face. One of the cubs looked at him.

"Man-boy why? Why did you kill our mommy? Why?" The first one said.

Deidara didn't know what to say. "Th-The critters… b-birth of the savior?"

The cubs then cried.

_The tiny cubs gathered together and cried. All alone in the world because their mother had died._

"Ah, Aah!" Deidara groaned.

~Meanwhile with the critters~

"Oo!" Porcupiney squeaked.

"You alright Lady Porcupiney?" Beary asked.

"Oh yes just felt a little kick is all." Porcupiney reassured him.

"Well it can't be too much long now. I'm afraid our helpful friend Deidara must be very dead." Beavery said.

"Yep. The Mountain Lion probably swallowed him whole." Foxy agreed.

"I guess that means our savior is gonna be savior stew." Rabbity said depressed.

The critters groaned in sadness until Chickadee-e cried, "What a minute look!"

Deidara was coming their way!

"Deidara!" They cried out.

Deidara you're alive!" Squirrelly said impressed.

"But does this mean you killed the Mountain Lion?" Beary asked.

"It's dead." Deidara confirmed.

"For real and for true?" "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, it won't be bothering you anymore." Deidara said in a glum mood still feeling guilty about the incident with the cubs.

"He did it! Now our Critter Chritmas can finally happen! Hail Satan!" Squirrelly exclaimed.

"Hail Satan!" The critters cheered.

Deidara blinked in confusion. "Whoa whoa what?!"

"You've done us a huge favor Deidara. With the Mountain Lion gone we can finally give birth to the antichrist!" Beavery smiled.

"Th-The antichrist?!" Deidara shouted.

"Yes to the son of our lord Satan, Prince of Darkness." Squirrelly explained.

"But I thought you meant the son of God?!"

"Well think about it." Deery explained. "Do you really think God would have sex with a porcupine?"

"No way only Satan Lord of all evil would do that, yay!" Chickadee-e cheered.

"This calls for celebration. Let's sacrifice Rabbity and eat his flesh!" Foxy suggested.

"Yay! Sacrifice me to the devil!" Rabbity cheered.

Deidara watched in horror as they put Rabbity on a table and cut his insides open. Before he could watch anymore of this he ran back home immediately!

~The Next Day~

_In the gentle forest clearing on Christmas Eve morn. The little critters prepared for the antichrist to be born. The noble Mountain Lion queen stopped evil in all the years passed but now the good protector lay dead as the good owls amassed. And meanwhile three Lion cubs were crying away, for them it would certainly be no Christmas Day. And soon the Forest would suffer from son Satan begat all thanks to the little blond boy in the red poof ball hat._

Deidara groaned in his room.

_Now that he killed the noble Lion queen there's nobody to stop the apocalypse it seemed._

Deidara groaned again.

_I know! The boy said with a new happy grin. I'll go back to the forest and speak to those critters again!_

"No, no, no." Deidara shook his head.

_He ran down the living room turned off the light and went back to the forest to set everything right!_

Despite what the narrator said Deidara angrily went down instead to watch TV.

_… And went back to the forest to set everything right._

Deidara continued watching TV.

_… He tried to forget all his troubles by watching TV. But his conscious caught up with him and to the forest he did flee._

Deidara glared at the invisible voice and only turned the volume up louder.

_He thought he could hide from his problems not true! He knew the thing he had to do!_

"Leave me alone!!" He growled at the invisible voice.

_He knew that by only going to the forest he could-_

"Alright, alright, alright!!" Deidara roared he turned off the TV and threw the remote. "God!"

~Back with the critters~

"Oh look! It's our old friend Deidara!" Beavery shouted.

"Oh boy Deidara you came in just in time!" Woodpeckery cried.

"Yeah we've got a big problem!" Deery added.

"The great Satan has commanded that for the antichrist to be born we need a non-baptized heathen human." Squirrelly explained.

"We figured you'd be perfect." Beavery smiled.

The critters cheered until Deidara shouted. "I'm not a heathen! I was baptized and I live with a Christian (Nana)!"

The critters groaned in sadness.

"But we got to have a human host body for the antichrist!" Beary complained.

"Now don't be down y'all. I'm sure Deidara will find us a non-baptized heathen human." Squirrelly reassured them.

"Will you really Deidara?" Chickadee-e exclaimed.

"No! I'm not doing you any favors, and I'm not going to let you give birth to the antichrist! I've come to put a stop to all this!" Deidara yelled.

"To stop us?" Beavery paused.

"But gee whiz Deidara if you try to stop us, we'd have to use our evil satanic powers on you." Beary told him.

Deidara didn't look at them. "Yeah whatever, I came to bring down the manger I built."

But before he could do anything the critters eyes glowed red and a wall of flame cut Deidara's path! Deidara gasped in surprise then all of a sudden crows started pecking at him and tore some of his clothes! (Just a little bit not all of his clothes, you crazy Deidara fan-girls!). Then a dangerous 2-headed dog appeared and barked. Deidara screamed and ran away from the critters.

"Oh boy our evil satanic powers sure did the trick." Beary smiled.

"Sorry Deidara but only a Mountain Lion can kill the antichrist." Squirrelly said.

"And you got rid of her!" Skunky smiled.

They all cheered.

_The boy shook with anger. He broke into a sweat and fell ill, until he remembered there were 3 Mountain Lion cubs still alive on the hill!_

"Oh, right!"

Deidara climbed up the mountain again to hopefully find help from the cubs.

"Hello? Anybody there?" He called.

The cubs slowly came out of the cave and gasped.

"Oh no it's the man-boy who killed mommy!" One cried.

"He's gonna kill us now!" The other added.

"It's ok. I died inside when mommy was killed anyway." The last one said darkly.

"Yeah better this than the slow death without having a mother around." The second one agreed.

Deidara groaned. "Look I'm sorry I killed your mom, the squirrel told me she was evil."

The cubs looked at each other.

"You got tricked by a squirrel?" The first cub asked. "Gee you're not too smart mister."

"I'm trying to make this alright again, but the only way to stop devil-worshipping critters is a Mountain Lion." Deidara explained.

"Yeah and you killed her."

"Well you're Mountain Lions."

The cubs shook their heads. "Us? No. We still have our baby teeth."

"And our baby claws."

"And a dead mom."

Deidara rolled his eyes. "There has to be a way for you to kill the porcupine's baby."

The cubs paused. "What you mean like an abortion?"

"Yeah an abortion that'll work!"

"But we don't know how to give abortions."

"Do you know where we could learn mister?"

_Where could they learn that the boy thought. I know the abortionist's clinic just outside of town!_

"What?!" Deidara growled.

_So he picked up the cubs and down the mountain he stormed and took them to see where abortions are performed._

"No he didn't."

_Yes he did._

"No he didn't."

_Yes he did._

"No he didn't!'

_Yes. He. Did!_

And Deidara was suddenly in an abortionist clinic just like the narrator said.

"Ah Goddamnit!" _said the blond boy in the red poof ball hat. We made it all the way down cubs fancy that?_

"Excuse me, what are you doing here?" _The abortionist inquired._ "For you to be here a pass is required."

"I don't know." Deidara sighed. "I'm supposed to show these lion cubs how to do abortions-I know it's ridiculious."

"Well you're in luck I'm happy to inform. It's Christmas Eve so I have plenty of abortions to perform." The doctor said happily.

_ So the lion cubs followed the doctor to the office and learned how abortions are performed._

~Meanwhile with the critters~

The critters were walking around the forest singing until Beary said. "Aw look that little feller is all alone."

"Gee he looks sad." Skunky said sympathetically.

They walked up and said. "Hi there."

The person they were referring to was none other than… Sasori!

He turned around and sweat-dropped. "… What the hell?"

"How come you're all alone on Christmas Eve?" Beavery asked.

"I don't celebrate Christmas." Sasori answered without emotion.

"Aaw but why?" Raccoony asked.

"I don't exactly believe in Jesus." Sasori answered again.

The critters paused then cheered with much joy.

"But does that mean you aren't baptized?" Beary asked.

"No I'm an aethist." Sasori narrowed his eyes.

The critters surrounded and led him off with them into the forest.

"You've got to come with us!" Beavery told him.

"You're perfect, just p-perfect!" Deery cheered.

"Huh?"

~Back with Deidara and the cubs~

_'Twas the night before Christmas and in the woods way up high a bright red star hung in the sky. For the forest to be saved they had only one-shot. A boy and three cubs and an abortion plot._

"Alright this is it. You Mountain Lions ready to stop the antichrist from being born?" Deidara asked the cubs as they walked back to the critters.

"Sure we know how to give abortions now." One of the cubs answered.

_He arrived at the critter forest ready to fight, but then gasped at a most dreadful sight:_

The critters all surrounded an evil, ugly, naked, animal baby.

"God, we did it." Beavery whispered.

"The critter antichrist is born bringing a thousand years of darkness to the forest." Squirrelly added.

The little antichrist kept screeching and the only words that came out was 'kill'.

_ The critter antichrist had been born sealing the world's fate. The little blond boy in the red poof ball hat was too late._

"Too late? The hell is that?" Deidara asked the voice.

"Oh hi Deidara!" Beavery greeted.

"Deidara! Deidara what the hell is going on?" Sasori grimaced as he was tied to the table that Rabbity was sacrificed on.

"It's Critter Christmas dude and it sucks ass!" Deidara answered Sasori.

"Now all we have to do is put the antichrist in our human host." Skunky said.

The critters cheered and started to prepare.

"That's it? 10,000 years of darkness and I don't even get to have a merry Christmas?!" Deidara shouted.

_When up in the sky the sound of sleigh bells were heard and jolly red sleigh flew down to the earth like a bird._

"Hey look it's Santa Claus!" Beavery exclaimed. The critters cheered.

"Let's eat his flesh!" Raccoony suggested.

Out of the sleigh came out Santa Claus! (Now I know what you're thinking when you expect Santa Claus you expect he has a fat tummy and a white beard. Well his hair is white, but…). Deidara was shocked because Santa was in the form of Jiraiya one of the three Sannin!

"Alright what the hell is going on? Why is their a red star glowing in the sky?" Jiraiya looked pissed.

"We finally did it Santa! We were finally able to give birth to the antichrist with help from our good friend Deidara!" Jiraiya glared at Deidara.

"Death and pain await all living things!" Skunky exclaimed.

"Kid you should be ashamed!" Jiraiya said.

"B-But I didn't mean to help them. I tried to stop them!" Deidara protested.

"Well good going stupid!" Jiraiya shook his head. "There's only one way to stop devil worshipping critters!" He took a bunch of kunai and threw one at Beavery, then Deery killing each of them one by one.

"Dude what the?" Deidara turned confused.

Squirrelly tried to use his evil powers on Jiraiya but was killed anyway.

Deidara however went to untie Sasori. "Come on dude."

After killing every single critter the threat was gone.

"But Santa what do we do about the antichrist?" One of the cubs asked.

"Don't worry," Jiraiya smiled. "The antichrist can't survive without a human host body to go into."

"No, no I want to have the antichrist inside me!" Sasori whispered.

"What! Sasori!" Deidara cried in disbelief.

Sasori ran over to the antichrist and in a wave of light he absorbed the antichrist!

"Dude!" Deidara cried.

Sasori walked on top of the table. "Yes… Yes now I can finally take over Christmas once and for all!!" He yelled.

"_Oh stop it Hidan_!"

The world changed back and everyone was at Nana's house listening to the story Hidan wrote.

Sasori looking pissed off continued. "Just stop that's enough! You are not reading another line from your stupid story!"

Hidan glared lazily at Sasori. "I don't believe I interrupted you when you read your Christmas story Sasori."

"This whole time your stupid story was just a way to get back at me for not joining your stupid religion!" Sasori growled.

"Woman can you do something about this?" Hidan demanded Nana.

Nana shook her head. "Hidan if Sasori is offended by this you'll have to stop."

Hidan growled and walked back to everyone.

"Well but happened?" Kisame asked.

"Yeah, **Did Sasori bring a thousand years of darknes or not**?" Zetsu also asked.

"What happens to the Lion cubs." Itachi asked softly.

"Well I guess we'll never know because Sasori doesn't want to hear what happens." Hidan smirked.

"No it all worked out right? Christmas was saved and I went home for Christmas dinner." Deidara said.

Sasori glared at Deidara. "Why do you care?"

"Well after all that I at least want to know if I had a merry Christmas or if darkness ruled the earth?" Deidara glared back.

"It's obvious what happens. I get killed by Jiraiya and Christmas is saved." Sasori growled.

"That's not at all what happened!" Hidan protested.

"Just let him read the end." Kakuzu sighed annoyed.

Then all the boys protested to let him read too.

"Alright fine." Sasori gave up.

Hidan went back to his spot and continued where he left off. He cleared his throat. "Oh dear my best friend is possessed how about that? Said the little blond boy in the red poof ball hat.

We now come back to the story Sasori is laughing maniacally.

"Ha Ha Ha! Now I shall rule the-" Sasori stopped and held his stomach. "Aaaah ah, God it burns, Aaa! My soul is on fire!"

Jiraiya and Deidara look in horror.

"I don't like this, I didn't realize it would feel so dark and evil." Sasori muttered.

"Well what'd you expect it's the son the devil!" Deidara shouted at Sasori.

"Oh God what've I done! I'm sorry! Please! I don't want to be the vessel for the antichrist!" Sasori pleaded.

"I'm sorry but it's too late Sasori. Santa's gonna have to kill you." Jiraiya prepared a shuriken.

"No Santa don't!" Deidara protested to Jiraiya.

"We don't have a choice. In a few hours the dark creature inside him will consume his soul." Jiraiya said.

_The little boy fretted he almost started to bawl but that's when he came up with best idea of all!_

"The Lion cubs!" _The boy quickly begun!_ "I took them to see how abortions are done!"

"What?" Jiraiya's eye twitched.

Deidara bent down to the cubs. "Now cubs hurry up fast! Get the antichrist out of my friend Sasori's ass!" (No one think this is a yaoi because it's not supposed to be!).

_So each little cub did their portion and gave Sasori an abortion._

With antichrist out Jiraiya immediately killed it.

"Sorry I went a little crazy back there." Sasori apologized.

"Well Deidara it seems that you have really been through a lot. Is there any special Christmas gift you would like this year?" Jiraiya asked Deidara.

Deidara looked at the cubs and smiled. "Yeah there is."

Back on the mountain Jiraiya looked over the body and used his magic to bring Mountain Lion queen back!

"Wha oh my! What happened?" She asked.

"Mommy?" The cubs leapt to her side with joy to have their mom back.

"Good." Deidara sighed with relief.

_And back home there were presents and lots of food to get fat and it was the best Christmas ever. For the blond boy in the red poof ball hat. _

_ And they all lived happily ever after… except for Sasori who died of AIDS two weeks later._

"_God damn it Hidan_!!!"

A/N: The end. Well I hope you guys learn a lesson from this. Don't talk to extremely happy talking critters otherwise you might have to deal with this kind of crap. Anyways please review and Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Happy Hannukah, or whatever religion you are!!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 8:

The Return of the Jedi-I mean Ash!

**A/N: What's up guys? I am currently in Alameda, California enjoying my spring break and finally updating this story due to many demands after the Christmas special was such a hit! I've also got the Akatsuki here? Any words guys?**

**All: WHY THE HELL DID IT TAKE YOU SO LONG TO UPDATE?!!!**

**Me: Eeeeee! I'm sorry I've had a little case of writer's block! I realize how long it took-**

**All: WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR 3 MONTHS AND A WEEK!!!! UPDATE FASTER!!!!!!**

**Me: Wait, don't go! Who's going to do the disclaimer? …I guess I'll do it…**

**Me: I don't own any of the Naruto characters except for Ash and Nana.**

**Story Starts:**

It was Monday. Everybody hates them. Especially for the Akatsuki because Monday is the first time Nana will have to leave them to go to work.

_"I'll be back at 9:00p.m. guys, ok?" Nana told them._

"Gee, leaving 7 kids all alone what could possibly go wrong?" Hidan snorted as they remembered what Nana told them earlier this morning.

"Well what shall we do to pass the time?" Sasori asked his former organization members.

"Heh, heh, heh." Hidan chuckled ominously.

The boys sweat-dropped at Hidan's strange behavior.

"What the hell is wrong with you, un?" Deidara asked Hidan.

Hidan had a strange twinkling in his eye. "Now that the woman is gone we can watch a good old fashioned gory movie."

"**What do you have in mind**?" Zetsu's black side questioned.

Hidan walked over to the movie shelves and took out a case that had a shadowy figure on the case.

"It's a little movie I'd like to call 'Dog Soldiers'." He smirked. (Thank you for the suggestion _gothicangel0827_. Sorry it took me so long to bring it into the story.)

"What if we don't want to watch it?" Itachi said in a monotone voice.

"That movie wouldn't be worth watching unless it has money, mafia, and bank robbers." Kakuzu crossed his arms across his chest. "I say we watch Scarface."

"I think we should watch Earth." Zetsu's white suggested. "**Or Jurassic Park**." His black side countered.

"Fuck no!" Hidan shouted. "Those are all fuckin' lame-ass movies!"

"We're not watching that movie Hidan so that's final." Sasori confirmed.

Hidan pouted. "Fine. If you pussies don't want to watch that how about Cannibal Holocaust instead?"

"NO!!!" The six boys yelled at the Jashinist.

"Geez. Forget you fuckers." Hidan scowled.

"How about we just do something outside, un?" Deidara suggested.

"Anything to not watch Hidan's stupid snuff films." Kakuzu nodded at Deidara's suggestion.

So one by one the boys went outside to play. They enjoyed many games like kickball:

"Goddammit Hidan! Will you just throw the ball normally without mutilating yourself to do it!" Kisame shouted at Hidan.

Climbing a tree:

"I feel much more comfortable." Zetsu sighed with relief. "**Thank god those idiots are too busy arguing with each other than be up here**."

And the best of all sleeping under a tree:

_Snnnooooorrrrreeeeee…_

And during all this fun they had outside they encountered something-or to be more specific someone-unusual.

During their nap they heard a song out of nowhere sing:

"_Wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy._

_(Hiccup)_

_Got my glasses I'm out the door… something, something, something,_

_Tik tok, tok tik, tok tikky tok._

_(Hiccup)_

_Ha ha ha ha ha!_"

Then _crash_! That same something who was singing crashed into the tree they were sleeping under. This startled the boys as they immediately went towards the strange… person?

"Who the fuck is this?" Hidan raised an eyebrow.

The person they found was a girl with long, wavy, black hair now tussled after her crash landing in the tree. Her red blouse and black capris were also muffled up. Her face was completely red and smiling. A broomstick with a black handle laid beside her.

"…" were the boys reactions at the clearly drunk-off-her-ass lady.

"Someone wanna poke her to see if she's alive?" Deidara asked.

The girl stirred and rolled over onto her stomach, flattening her broomstick. The boys paused at the weird girl's display. Being the good boys that they are they left her there and went inside to eat potato chips.

7:02p.m.

After a few hours passed the girl finally woke up out of her drunken stupor and cringed at the pain in her head.

"Aw! Jesus! Why do hangovers have to hurt so much?!" She complained. She quickly looked at her surroundings took out a map and blinked.

"Huh, what do you know I made it the right house after all." She said. She searched the area again. "Now where are those criminal brats?"

Meanwhile the said ex-criminals where busy watching Hellsing completely forgetting about the drunk girl they left under the tree.

_Knock, knock, knock_.

"Kakuzu, door." Hidan commanded his stitch-less friend.

"Hell no." Kakuzu scowled.

"Itachi?"

"…"

"Fine I'll get the fucking door." Hidan growled.

He stomped over and opened it to reveal the drunk girl from earlier.

"Hey. Mind if I come in for a little bit?" She asked politely.

Hidan slammed the door in her face and went back to his 'friends'.

"Looks like the drunk girl is awake." He told them.

But before he could sit down a voice came from the kitchen.

"Y'know, it's not polite to slam a door in front of a guest."

The boys ran into the kitchen in a flash and noticed that the drunk girl lounging in a chair with her feet on the table.

"Who are you." Kisame demanded.

"And how did you even get in, un?" Deidara added.

The girl sat up properly andgave them a lazy look. "Unfortunately for me you guys are my latest assignment."

"Assignment? Are you a shinobi?" Sasori questioned.

The girl scoffed. "I wish. Let's just say I'm your guy's guardian angel… in a way."

"You?" Zetsu's white side raised an eyebrow. "**I didn't know guardian angels would be inebriated drunks**." His black side smirked.

The girl glared. "And this is what happens when I try to sugar coat it." She mumbled.

"Who are you really?" Sasori repeated his question.

The girl smirked. "If you must know,my name is Ash, I'm what you humans call a grim-reaper."

The boys stared at her dumb-founded. "Grim-reaper?"

Ash laughed. "I know hard to believe a hot, sexy thing like me is a gruesome bloody shinigami right?"

The boys didn't answer her.

Ash sighed. "Fine, I'll get right down to business. I'm the one who reaped your souls in your world and sent you back here to this one?"

The boys were shocked at her explanation.

"You're the reason we're here?!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Correctamundo." She nodded. "I had orders from my boss upstairs to give you guys a second chance at life. See my boss kind of felt grief over the causes of your deaths and decided to give you guys a second chance at life again. So you're welcome."

A million questions rose in each kid's head until Itachi asked one of them:

"Then why are we here, and like this?" He motioned their child-like bodies.

Ash sweat-dropped. "Yeah that was a funny mistake now that you mention it." She turned to them seriously. "There's no such thing as a free lunch so obviously being reborn had its price. Those kid forms of yourselves was the price."

"Ok, but that still doesn't explain why we're here in this world and not in ours." Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at Ash.

She smirked again. "You already outlived your lives in your world so we're giving you another in a different one."

"Are you telling us we're gonna be stuck as little fuckin' 7-year olds?!" Hidan yelled.

Ash said nothing.

"Answer us dammit!" Hidan growled.

"Nope, nothing." Ash responded. "Nothing at all."

The boys looked down at the ground distraught at the thought of having to grow up all over again. Until Ash laughed out loud.

"I can't believe you guys actually believed me there!" She wiped tears from her eyes. "You guys are so gullible-"

She was rewarded with all the boys punching her head giving her several goose-eggs on the top of her head.

"Geez, it was just a joke…"

"Tell us how to undo this!" The boys demanded.

"Alright." She sighed. "It's a classic tale of a maiden's kiss."

"…Huh?"

"You have to get a girl who's never been kissed before to kiss you on the lips in order to grow up again." She explained. "Nana Takemori happened to be one of those candidates in mind."

"That's all we have to do?" exclaimed Deidara. "Just get her to kiss us and we'll be back to our normal ages?"

"But," She went on. "This will only work once. And here's the problem. You must both equal feelings towards another in order for this process."

"But we're kids!" Kisame his jaw dropped in shock. "How the heck will she kiss if we're like this?!"

They looked towards Ash who disappeared. The boys heads searched frantically around the kitchen to where the female grim-reaper went and noticed she was already on her way out the door!

"Yeah I'm going to let you guys figure that one on your own." She smiled. "Ciao!"

She got out the door with the boys right on her heels following her into the outside of Nana's shrine almost catching up to her until she flew away on her broomstick into the darkness of the night with her teasingly waving at the pissed-off kids.

"COME BACK HERE, YOU DAMN WITCH!!!"

Chapter 8/End

**A/N: Well how was that? I realize that I made the Akatsuki boys seem a little OOC but y'know bear with me on this that's it's kind of hard to keep them in character especially when it's so much fun to make fun of them! Anyways I promise I'll try to update a lot sooner, but in the meantime I'm going to enjoy my spring break a little longer. For those who live in California: Hi!**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 9:

Ash part 2

A/N: Hi! Sorry for the long wait! Right now the Akatsuki are pissed off at me so I have to do the disclaimer. I don't own any of the Akatsuki, but I do own Nana and Ash.

_Ash speaking in the flashback_

_**Other person speaking in the flashback**_

Story starts: Somewhere at a bar.

"Hey Blanc baby!" Ash grinned at her mirror communicator.

The image showed a boy about 21 with long white hair and blue eyes with a scowl on his face.

"I wish you'd stop calling me that." He muttered.

"Ah you know you love it." Ash smirked. "Anyways I'm just reporting in to tell you I did what you guys asked and explained the situation to the brat criminals."

"Good, but you need to keep a close eye on them." Blanc explained. "Which means no drinking."

Ash's look of despair flashed across her face. "Blasphemy!"

"You can still drink, but not around them or Nana Takemori. Orders from Above." Blanc told the alcoholic reaper.

Ash glared at the ceiling. "Oh they are just doing everything in their power to stop a girl from having a good time aren't they?"

"Ash." Blanc growled.

Ash sighed heavily. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do my best to try. Ash out."

~Meanwhile in Heaven~

Blanc wore a white hakama, his wings folded behind his back. He just ended his conversation with Ash with the mirror communicator, tucking it away in his pocket.

He got up in his seat when he heard two guys laughing in the hallway.

"Oh and I hear that Ash got demoted to be the grim reaper." One guy laughed.

"I know. It was a punishment for that freak accident with a goat and Saint Peter. That was hilarious." The other guy laughed out loud. "I still remember the look on her face when she was told her punishment."

"Y'know what's sad?" The first guy said. "Even though it's her punishment she's the worst and best grim reaper."

"Sad but true." His friend agreed.

Blanc glared at the two figures leaving. "I wish jokers like that would just give Ash a break. She's a hard worker…"

_Flashback Time!_

_"Blanc I did it! I got my death license!"_

_ "Come on Blanc you can solve this!"_

_ "Fried Chicken tastes better with hot sauce."_

_ "Hey Blanc have you seen my Cheetohs?"_

_ -"I, I love you man, I, I really do…"_

_ -"__**Miss you are clearly intoxicated you must leave the building**__!"_

_ -"I, I am FINE! It is YOU who is intoxshimamacated."_

_ -"__**Alright, that's it. Security**__!"_

_ -"Oh sure you have to get your friends to do it you pussy."_

_Flashbacks are over…_

Blanc sweat-dropped at his memories. "God, please let her not mess this assignment up…"

~Meanwhile back on-"You know what? I am sick of this! That's it! I'm through! I'm going back to my wife and kids!"~

(A/N: Uh…sorry about that, meanwhile back on Earth!)

The former Akatsuki members gathered around the table deep in thought after meeting with the so-called grim reaper.

"So let me get this straight. For us to go back to normal we have to kiss that fuckin' woman?" Hidan frowned.

He was punched by Kakuzu.

"If you were paying attention at all Hidan, ONE of us has to do it." Kakuzu glared at Hidan.

"But how are we supposed to do that?" Kisame folded his arms. "Especially when we're in these forms?"

"But it's the only way for us to go back to our normal ages." Itachi concluded. "We have to figure a way how we're going to do this."

"But you also know what we must do." Sasori said grimly.

They stared at the puppet master in confusion.

"If Nana gets a boyfriend. We must kill him." Sasori finished.

"Agreed." Everyone said at the same time.

"Don't worry, un." Deidara smirked. "I've got a plan."

Before the guys could ask Nana walked in. "I'm home!"

A twinkle sparkled in his eye. "Speak of the devil, un."

"Deidara, what're you-" Sasori was cut off by Deidara zooming straight towards Nana.

Nana was startled by Deidara running straight towards her and hugging her! The Akatsuki members stared at them with their mouths ajar.

"D-Deidara?" Nana blinked in confusion.

"Nana?" Deidara put on the must cutest puppy-dog face he ever made.

"Yes?" Nana blushed at the sudden cuteness level.

"I was just wondering since it's almost time for bed, could I have a good night kiss?" Deidara asked politely.

**THAT JERK**! The kids thought of Deidara. They pictured how they should murder him in his sleep. Before they could stop him Nana smiled.

"Of course Deidara."

Deidara smiled and puckered up. Unfortunately for him, Deidara didn't exactly expect this.

Nana kissed him on the forehead!

Nana beamed at him. "There you go Deidara." She turned to the others who were sighing with relief. "Would you like one to you guys?"

"We're fine." They said in unison.

Deidara walked away pouting.

"Aw cheer up Deidara, I'm pretty sure Nana's not attracted to fuckin' she-males!" Hidan burst up laughing.

"Shut up you jerk, un!" Deidara growled at the Jashinist.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._ Was the sound at the door.

Nana blinked. "Now who could that be at this hour?"

The Akatsuki peeked from the kitchen to see what's at the front door. Nana opened it to reveal a woman who looked 21 wearing half-moon glasses, her long black hair tied neatly into twin braids, wearing a jean dress.

The Akatsuki stared in surprise at the woman. Even if her appearance was drastically changed and completely sober they knew who she was: Ash the Grim Reaper.

"Um may I help you?" Nana smiled politely.

"Yes." Ash put on a charming smile. "I've heard from my friends that you have 7 little boys in your care?"

"That's right." Nana nodded. "Is there a problem?"

Ash shook her head. "No, but my name is 'Ashiko' and I'm those boy's elder sister."

"SISTER?"

Chapter 9/end

A/N: Sorry this was a little short, but anyways please review!


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 10:

Ash, our dear sister

A/N: Happy Birthday! To me! And whoever else that has a birthday on August 31! I thought it would be special to update my stories on my birthday since I'm happy enough to get the chance to update! Please enjoy this chapter, and if anyone is a fan of my Fairy Tail one-shot there is another one-shot sequel if you want to check it out! I'M TURNING 17 BABY! I don't own the Akatsuki, but I do own Nana, Ash, and Blanc.

Story Starts: No One's POV

(Dei: Meanwhile with everyone… um Samantha? Why am I doing this? Me: Because the 'meanwhile' guy freakin' walked out on us ok!)

Our miniature heroes have just entered a strange situation. Just an hour ago a woman (Obviously Ash) shows up at Nana's doorway claiming to be the former Akatsuki's sister. The said kids were currently in the kitchen glaring at their so-called sister dabbing away tears in her eyes with a handkerchief telling her sob story to a blank-faced Nana.

(What happened an hour ago)

Now, the kids wanted to protest about the alcoholic grim reaper is most definitely NOT their sister, but they were cut off with Ash running towards them giving them a crushing bear hug and a menacing glare from behind her glasses.

"Oh I've missed you all so much!" She shrieked tearfully, then in a low, demonic whisper that only they could hear. "**Shut up and play along or I will personally send your souls to Hell**."

(Currently)

So that's the story of why the kids kept their mouths shut.

Ash still sobbing choked out. "So… you see… w-with work and all I couldn't spend time… with my… darling b-brothers…b-but when I heard that our grandparent d-d-d-d-died and the boys were nowhere to be found in our town… I hoped that… m-maybe… j-just maybe that they were h-here in Tokyo… I-I-I'm so happy that a kind person like yourself is taking such good care of them!" She wailed.

Nana patted Ash's head sympathetically, while her face still remained blank.

"That's quite a story." Nana said hesitantly, she looked towards the boys feeling their anger, but as soon as she looked at them their faces turned innocent. "However, I hope you'll forgive me if I find this hard to believe."

"Oh if it's because of the way we look…" Ash blushed. "Our father fooled around with a lot of women so we have a whole harem of mothers, that's why we look the way we look."

The boys paused at Ash.

_As much of a pathetic-sounding story this was, Ash was a decent actress_. They thought grudgingly.

Nana shook her head. "I didn't mean that, it's just the boys don't seem to like you that much."

Ash's left eye twitched slightly. "That's because I'm away working so often I'm more of a stranger than a sister."

_Well that can be proven true_. The boys thought sarcastically.

"I think it would be best if I see a picture of them to prove it." Nana suggested.

Out of the blue Ash slammed her head on the table! _Damn it! _She thought in frustration. _I was so sure she would buy my story immediately_! _She's more intuitive than I gave her credit for_! Then a light bulb formed over her head.

She searched her purse and secretly and quietly snapped her fingers. When she rose her head back up Nana asked with concern, "Are you alright?"

"Oh I'm fine." Ash put her actress face back on smiling faintly and letting crocodile tears flow once more. She grabbed her wallet out of her purse and handed it to Nana.

Nana blinked at the cuteness of… the Akatsuki kids as babies! (Cue the aaawwwwing). Nana was overcome by the cuteness and said. "They're so adorable."

The boys curious as to what Ash did ran up and their mouths (except for Itachi, and Sasori who just stood there shocked) were ajar. The baby pictures were actually of them in perfect detail!

"Would this count as proof?" Ash tilted her head.

Nana still overcome by the cuteness nodded rapidly. "I believe you, I believe you."

The kids however couldn't believe how she was able to pull off this trick. Could it have been a genjutsu? They questioned in their heads suspiciously.

"Would you like to stay here for the night? It's pretty late right now." Nana offered to Ash.

Ash smiled sweetly. "Yes I would love to, but I can't stay all the time. I have to go back to work after tonight, but I promise I'll drop by more often."

"Would you like to sleep with your brothers?" Nana returned the smile. "There's plenty of room for all of you."

The boys noticed Ash sweat-dropped. "O-Of course I would _love _to spend one night with my darling brothers."

Ash and the boys were having a glaring contest as soon as Nana said good night and headed for bed.

"What?" Ash sneered.

"Alright what's the deal, un?" Deidara narrowed his eyes.

"What deal?" Ash said confused.

"Don't play dumb, that bullshit story!" Hidan growled.

"Just a few hours ago we thought you were going to leave us alone for awhile. Then all of a sudden you come back and make up that story." Sasori said in a monotone.

Ash pouted. "I was going to leave you guys for about a week then check up on you guys later, but orders from above said I had to keep a closer eye on you guys and that meant to have Nana Takemori aware of myself through a false connection."

"Then explain that picture." Kisame folded his arms.

"I'm the Grim freakin' Reaper, kid." Ash frowned. "I've got all kinds of powers that don't involve your little ninja tricks."

They were all silent after while.

Zetsu's white side broke the silence. "There's something I've been curious about."

"**Like, how the heck is someone like you a grim reaper**?" His black side finished.

Ash scratched the back of her head. "You really wanna know?"

They all nodded.

"Well I won't tell you why, however I will tell you how…"

~Flashback Time!~

Ash was in her room, her face covered by a pillow. A knock was at her door.

"_Enter._" She said her words smothered by her pillow.

Blanc entered the room and sat on her bed beside her limp figure.

Ash lazily lifted up her head and stared at the wall. "Well they decided my punishment, I'm being demoted to being the Grim Reaper on Earth for a century."

Blanc said nothing.

"It's okay, you can say it Blanc, I know what you're thinking, just say it, I'm an irresponsible dumb-ass drunk." She said.

"You're an irresponsible dumb-ass drunk." Blanc said without emotion.

Ash glared at him. "Geez, some friend you are."

"Ash, I know this isn't a good situation, but it can't be that bad being the Reaper?" Blanc tried to comfort her.

Ash narrowed her eyes at him. "They're going to put me through the Reaper's Ritual, carve open my back and tattoo the Seal of the Reaper on it."

"Ouch, but still it could be worse." Blanc patted her head.

"And then they're going to make me watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua."

Blanc paused. "…That's part of the ancient ritual?"

"Apparently now." Ash glared at the wall.

"Maybe I can try to convince them not to at least do the movie." Blanc assured her.

Ash's eyes twinkled with hope. "You'd do that for me?"

Blanc nodded. Ash squealed and squeezed the life out of her white haired friend in gratitude.

_ Unfortunately he couldn't convince them to not show the movie_.

(On the Ritual Day…Audience please insert Beverly Hills Chihuahua's ending song right now)

Two security angels were dragging Ash to massive golden double doors while kicking and screaming. Blanc looked down in shame and not being able to save her friend from a horrible fate.

"No I hate live-action Disney Movies!" Ash wailed. "Especially ones with talking animals!" As she passed Blanc she pleaded. "Blanc save me from the CGI Chihuahuas!"

A day after the ritual was over Blanc hesitantly checked in on Ash.

"So, um, how are you doing?" Blanc asked nervously.

Ash looked at Blanc as if life was sucked out of her completely. "Well let's see, I'm going to spend a century reaping the souls of the dead, I'm going to have this tattoo on my back forever, and I just watched the worst Jamie Lee Curtis movie since Christmas with the Franks. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I FEEL!"

~End Flashback~

"And that's how I became the Grim Reaper." Ash sighed after finishing her story.

The boys stared at her blankly.

"But why did you-"

"OK Time for bed nighty-night!" Ash said hurriedly turning off the lights.

Chapter 10/End

A/N: Well, how was it? Please review!


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note

I have never thought I would end up doing this in one of my stories, but unfortunately, I am. The Akatsuki Kids is going on HIATUS for the time being. For fans of this story, I apologize. I've just been having difficulties coming up with new chapters, that and High School going on. I've just kind of lost focus on this story, but I promise when the time comes I will do my best to update again. I'm really, really, sorry!


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